• Mon, 22:38: We found out the lacquer used on our floor was called Bona Mega. Can't help feeling we've got a Polari parlour.

• Sat, 07:41: Can you believe that @George_Osborne is trying to ruin our party? Tell him to drop the legal challenge to the #RHT: http://t.co/UhSbWW9kux

• Wed, 14:06: Courtesy of the Daily Mash - take the DWP psychometric test! http://t.co/OUWlAHmyus

• Sun, 07:35: One for @j4, @jinty et al: Alice Roberts in the Graun on Bounty reps on wards. The last para is priceless. - http://t.co/ESOvpZSc9v

• Fri, 17:59: I've finally divined the secret of Robert Peston's drawly delivery: he's actually Lloyd Grossman doing British vowels.
• Fri, 18:00: Either that, or he grew up listening to far too much Just A Minute.

• Wed, 10:48: @jabberworks Whenever you post something by/about SCBWI, I always misread it as SCWBI - which sounds like a Welsh Scooby-Doo!
• Wed, 14:28: Bwahaha! Bigots press wrong button, accidentally vote FOR equal marriage. "I meant 'No', it just came out 'Yes'." http://t.co/UrmLlYsumu

• Sun, 18:07: RT @TeaJunkie1: If bankers' bonuses were aid money ... http://t.co/3432ApfNe5 via @seasonwithsalt1

• Sun, 08:39: Tory-feted anti-childcare 'expert' misquotes his sources and has no relevant qualifications - http://t.co/1N4WkaltUN
• Sun, 10:27: It's true - doing childcare really does diminish your Alpha-male status! (But only if you're an ape to start with.) http://t.co/DaKrVCDARu
• Sun, 10:44: RT @giles_fraser: Don't talk to me about carb loading. I have been carb loading for at least 25 years.

• Thu, 20:33: Kind of predictable, but apt & amusing nonetheless: Maggie declared fit for work by ATOS. http://t.co/5oIS71e3IC

• Tue, 11:46: RT @canal_aunt: Losing Your Religion doesn't have to be all doom'n'gloom - R.E.M. - "Losing My Religion" In Major Scale: http://t.co/Q2p ...

• Mon, 16:48: RT @giles_fraser: Rather glad I'm not still at St Paul's helping to organise Mrs Thatcher's funeral. It's gonna be very tricky to get th ...
• Mon, 16:55: RT @giles_fraser: Given that Mrs T privatized everything else, it is interesting that she is getting a state supported funeral.
• Tue, 02:42: Amidst all the nil-nisi-bonum thatchiography, I've finally made the link between obsequies & obsequious: @giles_fraser is better out of it.

• Thu, 16:25: I've signed- have you? There's easily half a million of us who want shot of these shysters sooner rather than later! http://t.co/tExlso9vQv
• Thu, 16:40: I've just learnt that Cameron is cutting Statutory Maternity Pay in real terms over the next couple of years :( #mummytax #condemnation
• Thu, 22:31: So Osborne thinks state shouldn't support Mick Philpott: by implication, there are others whom it should support. Let's talk about them, eh?
• Fri, 09:05: "It's alright - I've had the bloke who usually parks here declared fit to work." #osbornecaptioncompetition http://t.co/JuI8790l81
• Fri, 09:06: "It's alright - IDS said I could park here." #osbornecaptioncompetition http://t.co/JuI8790l81

• Tue, 16:55: Baby B has spent most of today in the sweet spot: too tired to amuse himself, not tired enough to sleep, not too tired to scream. Joy.
• Wed, 08:26: Jim Carrey: frequently annoying, but you have to love his Fux News rant. http://t.co/UekqdHEBBi - sent from the Guardian Anywhere app

• Fri, 16:12: O frabjous day! Successfully introduced little A to the Clangers: "I want planet," she says. "Where's Clanger gone?" #Clangers #stillgood
• Sat, 08:31: RT @giles_fraser: Oh no. Lord Carey's Easter message is another anti-gay rant. That man is just obsessed.

• Fri, 09:00: "The modern conservative is engaged in an old exercise in moral philosophy: the search for a superior moral justification for selfishness."
• Fri, 09:04: That last tweet a slightly edited quote from J K Galbraith: http://t.co/Ezql4lWcNE

• Sat, 14:54: RT @giles_fraser: Two Popes meet today. Isn't that a bit like crossing the streams in Ghostbusters?

First time, originally uploaded by tortipede.

Well, I'm now at the end of my second week of Additional Paternity Leave and, as predicted, the days when I have both a baby and a toddler all to myself are proving hard: today certainly had its low points, as well as its highs.
However, today did see two firsts: as well as Bruno's first go on the swings, it also saw Aphra's first venture into assembling flat-packed furniture, at the tender age of two and a half. We'd decided it was time for her to have a proper toddler bed and to relinquish the cot to her brother, and so we'd bought her a new bed from John Lewis. We'd involved her in the decision (to the extent of making a binary choice between two colours) and sold it to her on the basis of it being a "big girl's bed", and she was quite excited about it, so when I decided to assemble it today she was very keen to help. (She already knew what an Allen key was from helping me to disassemble other stuff earlier in the day!)
And she was, in fact, helpful: not just inserting little bits of dowel into appropriate holes (with my help), but handing me screws, fetching me the screwdriver when I asked for it, and even poking a couple of tiny little pilot holes in the right places with a bradawl. (She also helped throw away most of the polystyrene packaging, although she was less good at preventing her brother from trying to eat it.) One interesting moment was when I asked her to lift up her side of the bed so that we could attach the headboard: I told her to 'stop' when it reached the right height and, rather than stopping lifting and holding it steady, she promptly put it down again — I guess most times we/people say 'stop' to a toddler, they do actually mean 'desist' rather than "that's good, hold it steady." I can't now remember how I managed to explain it, but we got there in the end, and she was inordinately pleased with her work.

• Sun, 18:37: Tonight's wine was made in the future. Hurrah! Does this mean I'm living in the past? http://t.co/sIzZYUkdgF
• Sun, 18:57: Aiming to defuse possible rivalry, I tell baby B he's lucky to have such a nice big sister. Now little A keeps calling him "my lucky".
• Mon, 09:15: RT @giles_fraser: Jonathan Aitkin is writing a biog of Mrs Thatcher and just asked me why people disliked her so much. Didn't know where ...

• Sun, 09:57: Sunday morning & little A is watching Eastern European animation. By the power of YouTube, it's the 70s all over again!

• Fri, 20:35: The hyrax: distant relatives of the elephant maybe, but they still look like vampire chinchillas to me. #wildarabia http://t.co/qbVHXD4Zmu